Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Hat-tip to Prettyold for the inspiration...



So why DID the chicken cross the road...?

GEORGE MALLORY:
Because it's there!

NANCY PELOSI:
I have always loved longitude. I love latitude; it’s in the stars. But longitude, it’s about time... Time and clocks and all the rest of that have always been a fascination for me... It's all about exploration, and the chicken knows that.

BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it had the audacity of HOPE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN McCAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because it recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I had to cross a road in Bosnia under sniper fire. Chelsea and I ran from the plane to the KFC with our heads down. It was frightening. I'll admit it... we were "CHICKEN"!

REV. JEREMIAH WRIGHT:
America's CHICKENS... have crossed the ROAD... to ROOOST!!

SCOTT McCLELLAN:
The chicken crossed the road in order to be used (unwittingly) as an accomplice of administration officials to promote the President's policies in a highly choreographed propaganda effort to prosecute a war that was a mistake from the beginning... and which I just realized this week. Oh, and did I tell you that I wrote a book about that? You can get it now by going to Amazon.com™ and...

SEAN HANNITY:
The chicken strayed to the other side of the road because it wasn't committed to Reagan conservatisism. If that chicken would just get back to its basic conservative values, and adopt my 'Top 10 Items For Victory'... that chicken could win in November!

LOU DOBBS:
The chicken was forced to cross the road, because all the jobs on this side of the road were outsourced there.

CHRIS MATTHEWS:
I have to tell you, you know, it’s part of reporting this case... I mean, when I heard that a chicken actually crossed the road, well... My, I felt this thrill going up my leg. I mean, I don’t have that too often.

JOHN F. KERRY:
I was FOR the chicken crossing the road... before I was AGAINST it!

AL GORE:
I invented the "chicken"... and the "road".

JOHN MURTHA:
We need to support our chickens by immediately redeploying them from the other side of the road... to Okinowa.

MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD:
That chicken "barbecue holocaust" is a myth... the CHICKEN must be wiped off the face of the ROAD!

RUSH LIMBAUGH:
Yours truly, El-Rushbo, with half my brain tied behind my back, convinced that chicken to cross the road and listen in to the best that radio has to offer on the Excellence-In-Broadcasting™ network. That chicken enjoys my ability to enrage liberals... which is simply one of the more enjoyable side effects of my wisdom.

FELIX PAPPALARDI:
He's a "crossroader", Speedin' from town to town...

PAUL McCARTNEY:
Why don't we do it... on the other side of the road?

ROADRUNNER:
BEEP! BEEP!

DETECTIVE SGT. ART RIDZIK:
You know this road-crossing game? It's called CHICKEN... Except you're not supposed to play it with buses!

MARK LEVIN:
GET OFF THE ROAD! ...YOU BIG DOPE!

BILL CLINTON:
It depends on what the meaning of the word "ROAD" is...

GEORGE W. BUSH:
I "misunderestimated" the ability of chickens to cross the road... so we now have a "strategery" called "No Chicken Left Behind".

VALERIE PLAME:
I sent the chicken across the road to see if Saddam Hussein was looking to buy uranium... and I got "outed" by a "Scooter" in the process.

TRENT LOTT:
The chicken crossed the road to wish Strom Thurmond a Happy Birthday!

NANCY PELOSI:
That chicken wants to drill offshore and in ANWR!... I’m trying to save the planet; I’m trying to save the planet!... I will not have this debate trivialized by the chickens' excuse for their failed policy.

BARACK OBAMA:
I can no more disown my itinerant chicken than I can my racist grandmother (a "typical white person") who on more than one occasion told me she feared chickens because they are "bitter and cling to guns and religion"; they have antipathy to chickens who aren't like them, and they resent chickens immigrating to this side of the road... all because of their economic frustrations.

JOHN McCAIN:
Thank you sir for that question. If Barack Obama was here at this townhall meeting, it might be more interesting and enlightening. But you know... the chicken has been crossing the road for many years. Why, I remember when a chicken crossed the road in Philadelphia back in 1776. Thomas Jefferson turned to me and he said...

OSAMA BIN LADEN:
The chicken crossed the road to join in jihad, and to serve the Profit (Peace Be Upon It). To kill the Americans and their allies -- infidel chickens -- is an individual duty for every chicken who can do it in any country in which it is possible to do so...

DENNIS KUCINICH:
That chicken crossed the road because it saw a UFO over Shirley Maclaine's house in Washington State. It found the encounter "extremely moving". It was a triangular craft, silent and hovering... The chicken felt a connection to its heart, and heard directions in its mind.

JOHN F. KENNEDY:
I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a CHICKEN on the other side of the ROAD and returning it safely to this side.

ANONYMOUS:
Which came first... the chicken or the road?