SCOTUS Orders EPA To Regulate Water Vapor

Following on the heels of its recent "landmark" decision allowing the EPA to regulate CO2 emissions (despite the fact that the High Court failed to find that Massachusetts or any of the other plaintiffs in the case even had standing to bring suit), the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) today reached another important decision regarding greenhouse gases.

According to unnamed SCOTUS law clerks, the justices learned during recent testimony that the single most important greenhouse gas which contributes to warm the earth's surface is actually water vapor. The Court today ruled that the EPA 'MUST' regulate the emissions of water vapor into the atmosphere.

After careful consideration, in a 5-4 vote, the justices have chosen to unilaterally rule on the issue, which (surprisingly) has not yet even come before the deliberative body. "We can't wait for someone to bring suit in this case", said Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. "We must make a pre-emptive strike against greenhouse gases for the good of the planet."

"CO2 is bad", said Justice Anthony Kennedy, "but water vapor is WORSE! We've got to stop it before it gets out of control."

According to Justice David Souter, the SCOTUS ruling imposes strict bans on humidity, clouds, fog, drizzle, rain, snow, sleet, hail and all other forms of atmospheric water vapor (whether gaseous, liquid or solid).

According to Justice John Paul Stevens, "If we can just eliminate all the atmospheric CO2 and water vapor out there, then we won't have any more problems..."

Justice Stephen Breyer asked, "Where's my ice cream?" Rumor has it that a number of law clerks have been stealing 'Breyers™ Ice Cream'.

Justices Thomas, Scalia, Alito and Roberts could not be reached for comment.