Iran Threatens To Become Democratic

Iran's Ali Asghar Soltanieh (left)
listens to Javad Vaeedi
TEHRAN, Iran -- In another of a continuing series of recent threats regarding its nuclear program, Iran threatened today that it could inflict "harm and pain" on the United States. The statement was made by Javad Vaeedi, the deputy head for international affairs of Iran's Supreme National Security Council.

"The United States may have the power to cause harm and pain but it is also susceptible to harm and pain," Vaeedi said. "So if the United States wishes to choose that path let the ball roll."

From his statement, it is clear that Vaeedi fails to grasp American colloquialism in his feeble attempt to mimic Todd Beamer's 9/11 United Flight 93 rallying cry of "Let's Roll!" He also fails to grasp American resolve when threatened by enemies, "foreign or domestic".

Administration officials have interpreted Vaeedi's statement as a threat to become Democratic... that is, to join the Democratic Party here in America. Scott McClellan, the White House Press Secretary who wished to remain anonymous, responded to Vaeedi's remarks saying, "Iran's threats of 'harm and pain' show beyond a shadow of a doubt its intention to join forces with the anti-American political insurgency forces and the terrorist intifada media here in the United States. Those enemies of the state have caused more 'harm and pain' to our country during the last thirty years than any foreign power could have."

McClellan continued, "I think that provocative statements and actions only further isolate Iran from the rest of the world... I mean, take a look at what it's done for the Democrats!"